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Learning To Surrender

The other day I sat down to do this guided meditation that I had found online. It was a meditation that was intended to help you let go and surrender. What I didn’t expect was to have such an intense emotional response to this meditation literally to the point where I began streaming tears from my face and sobbing out loud several times throughout the session. I didn’t realize that I would have such emotional response when things were said about not needing to be in control all the time and just learning to live with ease and flow.

I have always tended to try to control everything to my favor, to avoid my fear of being vulnerable or hurt. Always attempting to manipulate and coax situations and people to do as I desire so that I would get the results that I wanted in a situation. What I have had to realize is that I don’t have to try to control everything and that it’s ok to sometimes make mistakes or be put into an unexpected situation because that is where I will grow and learn.

I also need to practice letting go and surrendering more often, both mentally and physically. Doing this meditation has made me realize that I have a ton of layers of shit that I need to surrender and let go of. The release that I felt was both amazing and scary at the same time. Feeling completely open, exposed, and vulnerable and going into the parts of myself that I have kept enclosed for so long is not easy.